Shortly after I wrote the last blog post I ended up in the Jubilee Hospital psych ward, since then I've been going with the flow, taking abilify and sometimes wellbutrin, trying my best to believe in angels and that my life is still on the right course.
Ups and downs, working at the Vic West Community Association daycare, living in St. Vincent de Paul housing for 375$/month, smoking cannabis, being a good and nice vegan, feeling that I don't want to be taking an antipsychotic, being 35 single and with no children, feeling sad because I'm not sure how to earn money with these websites. Earning disability funding from the government. I suppose.
I've just been introduced to chatgpt 3.5, interested in the things it has to say, interested in the future.
The truth is that I am on cannabis right now, Sour Apple Slap by shred'ems and the fact that cannabis is legal in Canada, and that I am in a safe setting, makes it alright. Sending love and prayers to Mel's family.
So a few weeks ago, just before going out to eat at the Old Spaghetti Factory where I ate impossible meatballs and my brother Dmitri ate ribs, baby back ribs I believe :( I booked a flight to Bali.
Friday I texted with my case manager, her saying that my psychiatrist said I couldn't leave the country, because I was still certified ;(
I believe it was that day that I came to my parent's and cried a LOT. Because I had already paid for the tickets and accommodation, and because I still am scared to be too lonely, alone in my apartment, afraid to be smoking cannabis while my life is passing me by.
Monday I had an impromptu appt with my psychiatrist. I am still in awe that he is allowing me to go!!! :D As long as I take 10mg abilify every night and 150mg wellbutrin lol. Compromise? I'm not sure. Because this time I'm not experiencing the negative side effects, except I always wonder why I feel so sad still.
So I've gotten pretty much everything done that needs doing before I leave. I know I can afford it. Excited to surf, yoga, vegan foods, friends, businesses exploding? ;)
P.S. I wish you were coming with me Chels! And I really hope I can make it to your going away party Amy & Cory, you are both so amazing and I love you all!!!
Good luck Taylor :)
Now listening to the Jennifer McLean prayer circle, who I do believe is highly intuitive and may even be truly connected to the other realms. I am that I am. I trust your soul.